Having successfully killed all the apes, I can return to my affairs.
Now, if I could just rearrange my papers like so...yes, a little torn up, but everything should still be in order...that can be taped, yes, a little staple here, a little one there--that should suffice. Where is--? Oh, there it is. Goodness me, still a bit frazzled I suppose! I will need to ask Mr. Dram to clean up all these apes as well. Dram! Mr. Dram! ... DRAM!... There you are. I swear if I could find another butler I would shoot you like a lame-legged horse. I would like you to please dispose of these ape carcasses. Thank you. Just--no, by the feet please, Dram, that should... Oh, Dram! I swear sometimes you are insufferable! Just--Oh dear, there goes its legs. Well now here if I grab it on the other end you could--Oh...OH my! These dead apes are falling apart like soaked bread! Good God I thought their bodies would have stiffened but, no, look at that! Dram, get the maid she should be here for this too. ... Dram... Dram is horribly slow. ... I swear I could wait here for a week before--Ah! Dram I see you found Meeby! Excellent. Look at this, Meeby--have you ever seen an ape carcass so--Oh! Oh don't be like that, Meeby! Please stop being so squeamish and help us extricate these apes from the room. What? Yes I think it is the correct use of the term "extricate"! Meeby you are not a master of language by any means so please shut up and roll up your sleeves and help us remove these rotting corpses! Yes, I said carcasses! I know "corpse" is not the appropriate term for a dead ape!! Meeby! MEEBY! There. Thank you. Alright, now if we all carefully inch this way very slowly...Oh. Oh look at that, that is terrible. All over your apron. Well that is what an apron is for, Meeby. I'm sorry but that is the nature of the job! No? Okay, you can leave, then. I hate you, Meeby. Dram, we may as well get a shovel and a trash can. Okay, so you can take care of it? Okay, good. Back to my affairs. Straighten this out, sit down...ah, yes. Nice and quiet. Dram will take his time getting the shovel and can so I can at least have a few moments. GOOD GOD! WHERE ARE ALL MY PENS? THOSE CURSED ANIMALS MUST HAVE EATEN ALL OF MY PENS! Oh, no, here is one, I--GOOD GOD! IT IS COVERED IN FECES! ONE OF THOSE HORRIBLE APES--THOSE STINKING FECAL JOCKEYS--MUST HAVE STUCK MY PEN UP--UP ITS BUNGHOLE! I SHALL NEVER REST AGAIN! I CANNOT--BY THE GODS, DRAM! YOU NEARLY SCARED ME STRAIGHT TO HELL! HOW IS IT YOU ARE AS FAT AS A MOUNTAIN AND YET YOU CREEP ABOUT SILENTLY LIKE A BEETLE?! JUST--JUST--just get the apes out of here and leave me alone! Yes, I am crying. No that's alright. Thank you Dram, you are very sweet. Your girth provides ample comfort when you hug me. Thank you Dram. Before you go, would you take this pen, too. Yes, you can! You have gloves on. Oh stop! ... ... ... ... ... ... ... Close the door behind you Dram. I love you too. There. Odd look in his eyes... Oh, oh my affairs. I should think they will never be tended to again. ... ... It is, however, a lovely day outside; the sun scintillating on a bed of clouds... down below, children playing on the street--What...what is that? Dram? Good God! Dram! Stop! Stop that! He's beating them with a shovel! All the little school children! They're being pummeled like mushrooms! Stop! They are only children, Dram! Dram! He's gone insane! I should think he has gotten a taste for blood from all the ape carnage! Oh it is hard to watch all this from a window! He's hacking them apart, all the little children! Oh, and there come the police... rather quick! Oh, my, he's gotten one of them too. He's unstoppable! He's--is he...? Yes, he's using the dead one as a shield against the other. I say, brilliant, Dram! However morally conflicting, he was always a smart man. He's...he's gotten in the car and there he goes! Ha ha! That other cop is positively dumbfounded! I would be too, fellow. He's left you a fool. I'll certainly miss him. Puzzling indeed, this whole thing, very unexpected of Dram--but it was only a matter of when, not what--the man was clearly a pressure cooker of madness! I suppose all the better for me! Ha ha, no more Dram! No more meddling! No more inane questions! No more hugs... Oh, Dram... I hate to think I may never see you again. Now I only have Meeby, and she is awful. There is reason to suspect she has been having children all about the house. Namely, that her belly has been inflating and deflating repeatedly the past few years, and I occasionally see children everywhere around here. But the house is silent. Had Dram killed these children too? Perhaps he has been mad much longer than I thought! What prudence and temperance for him to reserve himself around me! My fondness for Dram is only growing. How cruel is the human narrative, that my appreciation for Dram only flowered upon his leaving? Perhaps I can appreciate Meeby as well, with sufficient effort. No. She is awful. I should rather like to sit here. .... Those children out there are getting disposed of in a much more efficient and professional manner than my apes had been. Dram was awful. Is there anybody worth my time? No, I should think not--at least, not until my affairs are in order.
Now, if I could just rearrange my papers like so...yes, a little torn up, but everything should still be in order...that can be taped, yes, a little staple here, a little one there--that should suffice. Where is--? Oh, there it is. Goodness me, still a bit frazzled I suppose! I will need to ask Mr. Dram to clean up all these apes as well. Dram! Mr. Dram! ... DRAM!... There you are. I swear if I could find another butler I would shoot you like a lame-legged horse. I would like you to please dispose of these ape carcasses. Thank you. Just--no, by the feet please, Dram, that should... Oh, Dram! I swear sometimes you are insufferable! Just--Oh dear, there goes its legs. Well now here if I grab it on the other end you could--Oh...OH my! These dead apes are falling apart like soaked bread! Good God I thought their bodies would have stiffened but, no, look at that! Dram, get the maid she should be here for this too. ... Dram... Dram is horribly slow. ... I swear I could wait here for a week before--Ah! Dram I see you found Meeby! Excellent. Look at this, Meeby--have you ever seen an ape carcass so--Oh! Oh don't be like that, Meeby! Please stop being so squeamish and help us extricate these apes from the room. What? Yes I think it is the correct use of the term "extricate"! Meeby you are not a master of language by any means so please shut up and roll up your sleeves and help us remove these rotting corpses! Yes, I said carcasses! I know "corpse" is not the appropriate term for a dead ape!! Meeby! MEEBY! There. Thank you. Alright, now if we all carefully inch this way very slowly...Oh. Oh look at that, that is terrible. All over your apron. Well that is what an apron is for, Meeby. I'm sorry but that is the nature of the job! No? Okay, you can leave, then. I hate you, Meeby. Dram, we may as well get a shovel and a trash can. Okay, so you can take care of it? Okay, good. Back to my affairs. Straighten this out, sit down...ah, yes. Nice and quiet. Dram will take his time getting the shovel and can so I can at least have a few moments. GOOD GOD! WHERE ARE ALL MY PENS? THOSE CURSED ANIMALS MUST HAVE EATEN ALL OF MY PENS! Oh, no, here is one, I--GOOD GOD! IT IS COVERED IN FECES! ONE OF THOSE HORRIBLE APES--THOSE STINKING FECAL JOCKEYS--MUST HAVE STUCK MY PEN UP--UP ITS BUNGHOLE! I SHALL NEVER REST AGAIN! I CANNOT--BY THE GODS, DRAM! YOU NEARLY SCARED ME STRAIGHT TO HELL! HOW IS IT YOU ARE AS FAT AS A MOUNTAIN AND YET YOU CREEP ABOUT SILENTLY LIKE A BEETLE?! JUST--JUST--just get the apes out of here and leave me alone! Yes, I am crying. No that's alright. Thank you Dram, you are very sweet. Your girth provides ample comfort when you hug me. Thank you Dram. Before you go, would you take this pen, too. Yes, you can! You have gloves on. Oh stop! ... ... ... ... ... ... ... Close the door behind you Dram. I love you too. There. Odd look in his eyes... Oh, oh my affairs. I should think they will never be tended to again. ... ... It is, however, a lovely day outside; the sun scintillating on a bed of clouds... down below, children playing on the street--What...what is that? Dram? Good God! Dram! Stop! Stop that! He's beating them with a shovel! All the little school children! They're being pummeled like mushrooms! Stop! They are only children, Dram! Dram! He's gone insane! I should think he has gotten a taste for blood from all the ape carnage! Oh it is hard to watch all this from a window! He's hacking them apart, all the little children! Oh, and there come the police... rather quick! Oh, my, he's gotten one of them too. He's unstoppable! He's--is he...? Yes, he's using the dead one as a shield against the other. I say, brilliant, Dram! However morally conflicting, he was always a smart man. He's...he's gotten in the car and there he goes! Ha ha! That other cop is positively dumbfounded! I would be too, fellow. He's left you a fool. I'll certainly miss him. Puzzling indeed, this whole thing, very unexpected of Dram--but it was only a matter of when, not what--the man was clearly a pressure cooker of madness! I suppose all the better for me! Ha ha, no more Dram! No more meddling! No more inane questions! No more hugs... Oh, Dram... I hate to think I may never see you again. Now I only have Meeby, and she is awful. There is reason to suspect she has been having children all about the house. Namely, that her belly has been inflating and deflating repeatedly the past few years, and I occasionally see children everywhere around here. But the house is silent. Had Dram killed these children too? Perhaps he has been mad much longer than I thought! What prudence and temperance for him to reserve himself around me! My fondness for Dram is only growing. How cruel is the human narrative, that my appreciation for Dram only flowered upon his leaving? Perhaps I can appreciate Meeby as well, with sufficient effort. No. She is awful. I should rather like to sit here. .... Those children out there are getting disposed of in a much more efficient and professional manner than my apes had been. Dram was awful. Is there anybody worth my time? No, I should think not--at least, not until my affairs are in order.
