ACT IX
...
Son Boy is crouched in a small cage. He is in a dark cellar, and a guard stands by him. The guard is thick, like meatloaf, if meatloaf had pulsing veins all over its arms. He is dressed in teeth. Son Boy wheezes and plarps.
SON
(Weak 'n meek) Mister, what's going to happen?
GUARD
(A gravely, bomberous voice) MmmBoy! You are getting yourself a very big time! Huoh hoha!
SON
I'm sorry, what do you mean?
GUARD
Master Wimbledy got a huge banger for your hands - you best tank it! Oh ho!
SON
Do you want me to be quiet or are you asking me to get prepared for something?
GUARD
Oh ho ho!
SON
I don't want to talk to you anymore.
The guard vomits with raucous laughter. He begins rolling on the floor.
GUARD
Oh! Ohhoh! Oh ho ho!
SON
Oh, how I wish I knew what was in store for me! If only I could take joy in it all, like this guard.
The guard begins to twist his own nipples and scream.
SON
But I can't! I only wanted to be coddled by my Diddypips and live safely in his bosom! Here, it is so cold, so moist, so dark, so dank... it is so hard to find any joy here....
The guard vomits more and laughs.
GUARD
Oh bibs!
SON
How long do I have, mister?
The guard ceases his play.
GUARD
I'd wager a wink.
The guard winks.
SON
I think I understand you.
GUARD
Ohho!
SON
It doesn't matter when, does it?
The guard winks again. A small bit of ocular discharge squirts out of his winking eye.
SON
Oh, I remember so fondly my early days with Pipsy. We used to wink like that together. Pipsy! Our days were full of games and songs and snaps. And floggings. I remember the day you flogged me with a cat when I had told you I wanted to dance with you.... You were so good at the mamba and yet you never wanted to share your wisdom with me. Oh Pipsy! What do I do?
A spidder crawls onto Son Boy's arm and begins to cry and sing, in a squeaky tenor, "O Sonny Boy."
SON
Don't cry for me, spidder. I don't need any pity.
Still crying, the spidder scuttles into Son Boy's britches and crawls up his urethra.
SON
(Screeches and writhes in pain and terror, like a cat being shook)
He soon forgets what just happened and continues to mull over his situation.
SON
Was I always doomed to this? It seems like I allowed myself to be led this way and that...I suppose this is my chance, my chance to lead myself. My fate will come when it comes, and I must always be ready for it, whatever it may be. My dear Pipsy wasn't. I have to be better than that. No more hiding in the radishes! No more bosom coddling!
The cellar door opens. Another guard is at the top of the stairs.
GUARD 2
It's a biiiig dinger out there! Getchyur britches tight! Oh ohhooho!
SON
I am ready.
Both guards open Son Boy's cage, and lead him out the door. He piddles and drowns the spider.
End of Act IX.
(Act X coming soon.)
SON
(Weak 'n meek) Mister, what's going to happen?
GUARD
(A gravely, bomberous voice) MmmBoy! You are getting yourself a very big time! Huoh hoha!
SON
I'm sorry, what do you mean?
GUARD
Master Wimbledy got a huge banger for your hands - you best tank it! Oh ho!
SON
Do you want me to be quiet or are you asking me to get prepared for something?
GUARD
Oh ho ho!
SON
I don't want to talk to you anymore.
The guard vomits with raucous laughter. He begins rolling on the floor.
GUARD
Oh! Ohhoh! Oh ho ho!
SON
Oh, how I wish I knew what was in store for me! If only I could take joy in it all, like this guard.
The guard begins to twist his own nipples and scream.
SON
But I can't! I only wanted to be coddled by my Diddypips and live safely in his bosom! Here, it is so cold, so moist, so dark, so dank... it is so hard to find any joy here....
The guard vomits more and laughs.
GUARD
Oh bibs!
SON
How long do I have, mister?
The guard ceases his play.
GUARD
I'd wager a wink.
The guard winks.
SON
I think I understand you.
GUARD
Ohho!
SON
It doesn't matter when, does it?
The guard winks again. A small bit of ocular discharge squirts out of his winking eye.
SON
Oh, I remember so fondly my early days with Pipsy. We used to wink like that together. Pipsy! Our days were full of games and songs and snaps. And floggings. I remember the day you flogged me with a cat when I had told you I wanted to dance with you.... You were so good at the mamba and yet you never wanted to share your wisdom with me. Oh Pipsy! What do I do?
A spidder crawls onto Son Boy's arm and begins to cry and sing, in a squeaky tenor, "O Sonny Boy."
SON
Don't cry for me, spidder. I don't need any pity.
Still crying, the spidder scuttles into Son Boy's britches and crawls up his urethra.
SON
(Screeches and writhes in pain and terror, like a cat being shook)
He soon forgets what just happened and continues to mull over his situation.
SON
Was I always doomed to this? It seems like I allowed myself to be led this way and that...I suppose this is my chance, my chance to lead myself. My fate will come when it comes, and I must always be ready for it, whatever it may be. My dear Pipsy wasn't. I have to be better than that. No more hiding in the radishes! No more bosom coddling!
The cellar door opens. Another guard is at the top of the stairs.
GUARD 2
It's a biiiig dinger out there! Getchyur britches tight! Oh ohhooho!
SON
I am ready.
Both guards open Son Boy's cage, and lead him out the door. He piddles and drowns the spider.
End of Act IX.
(Act X coming soon.)
